sAnDrEaLIoNEl

2007-01-25T09:16:00.000-08:00

Dear all,

I'm back on blog again! Though I've been harbouring thoughts about moving from here for quite some time already. Reason for wanting a change of address? Well, part of the explicable reason is perhaps a hope that with a completely new blog, (not just a facade revamp this time) I'll be able to move on from the 'blog persona' I've self-adopted on this particular one. Also, with the new year around, I decided that it will be a good time to leave behind the past and finally begin anew.

So yups...just as my very nascent post credited the creator of this address, I'll say my thanks again to yu =) Please leave me a msg on the tagboard/comment here or email me for the new address if you're still keen to drop by once in a while...

The new blog is still non-existent now btw, but should surface in due course.

Thanks for coming by, those of you who did... even though the past posts have been more random than I'd have liked. Errmm...having said that...no promises on the new one kies, but I'll try to update whenever I can!

For now, take care everyone...

Love,
Me.

(To a friend who's leaving for home really soon... Hope the plans of doing a traditional dance together under the Mongolian skies will be realised one fine day... )

A Christmas Dedication

2006-12-21T15:01:00.000-08:00

My Grown Up Christmas List

Do you remember me
I sat upon your knee
I wrote to you
With childhood fantasies

Well, I'm all grown up now
And still need help somehow
I'm not a child
But my heart still can dream

So here's my lifelong wish
My grown up christmas list
Not for myself
But for a world in need

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up christmas list

As children we believed
The grandest sight to see
Was something lovely
Wrapped beneath our tree

Well heaven only knows
That packages and bows
Can never heal
A hurting human soul

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end
This is my grown up christmas list

What is this illusion called the innocence of youth
Maybe only in our blind belief can we ever find the truth

No more lives torn apart
That wars would never start
And time would heal all hearts
And everyone would have a friend
And right would always win
And love would never end, oh
This is my grown up christmas list
This is my only lifelong wish
This is my grown up christmas list

Merry, Merry Christmas...

2006-12-18T09:06:00.000-08:00

It's come to the end of another school term, and now the beginning of another week. There's been so so much going on during the past semester, and looking back now, it seems like they're all jumbled up in the crazy whirlwind of running around, doing things. That's why I've been craving a little personal space, to simply sit down, reflect and recollect.

My junior's just came up to visit about 3 days ago, and is heading for Toronto in a day's time. Then to New York, etc. The land of my Mega travelling plans, blueprints for castles-in-the-air that are not yet in sight. Heh. But after my papers, I'll have to sit down and plan so that the next trip can materialise soon enough. I want to go somewhere sometime...soon...There's loads of plans that I want to make, and several people saying they'll come visit (from home!) etc...but these are all mere casual 'maybes' for now. Would be great to have some of them become an eventual reality, but we'll see. There's still some time before then and now, so I guess I'll just keep the hopes alive?

Many other little bits-and-bobs that's been happening in my life and some dear frens'...Anyway, let me borrow the 'thousand words' verbal power of photos to update on some going-ons on this side of the globe, where sunlight is getting scarcer by the day...

That's my International Week teammate and fren, Kolya, who's just graduated from her Masters. And ... that's us doing one of the dance move for our item during the Welcome Week in front of the International Office. Heh.

Here's when two gals decided that they both needed a windbreaker...and decided on the very same one, confirming each other's buy. =p (It has been a nice visit and catching up session. Maybe we all need such time-out solitaires with each other sometimes!)

And yups..that's me and zj.. in Wollaton Park. A banana-in-pj fren that I'm thankful for being here with moi at Notts!

I like this photo, dunch'ya, b2? Just 'kop' this from here k. Remind me on the rest later...

And that's from me for now.

Love to hear from ya all!

(p.s. to those peeps travelling/ going to travel, have a Great time whereva u r!Skiiing, homegoing, walk-walk-see-see-ing.... And pam...here's me sending my greetings to the US, tho' u'll probably not see this till much later! =) )

沙沙的谁

2006-12-11T16:58:00.000-08:00

斑驳的台阶一双老旧的鞋
这无声却怀念的气氛和对味
诗里的世界被风翻了几页
我的妥协却被你撕毁

你给我的承诺像标本框里的蝶
冰冷的睡像永不再醒来的离别

满园的落叶任风吹听出沙沙的谁
离开的声音急促的令人心碎
你一脸的无邪却连笑都不给
诗句语带威胁结局要怎么完美

满园的落叶任风吹听出沙沙的谁
你的脚步声匆忙的那么零碎
我转过身背对你远去的感觉
安静的为你写下一首诗再落泪

2006-11-23T09:20:00.000-08:00

You know how I wish that I could have more time... ...

To walk a little slower-so that I could take in the fabulous views along the way

To pay more frequent visits to friends' blogs and update my own entries- so that I can update myself on their lives (and vice versa) and not lose touch for too long

To spend more time on sending and replying mails/emails, chat on msn, talk/yak on the phone, meet people up for a cuppa coffee or tea- I crave closer interactions with people I just don't see that often anymore

To seek a better balance in life and meet all the commitments that beckons on a daily basis (for one, there's so many birthdays coming up, some clashing with one another...)

And to still have time for myself to reflect and reminisce.

It's being rather greedy, ain't it?

Time, after all, is one of the most scarce commodity around.

2006-11-17T15:10:00.000-08:00

It's the weekends again. So far, I've not had a single weekend where I'm in my room at least 1/2 of the time, even though this year's workload inevitably demands this and certainly more. (You probably can't imagine just how much stuff there is to be covered this year, and neither can I till it became a reality=p) Then again, if that had been the way my weekends were spent, (i.e. if work had been the Sole Thing my student life revolves round) I may just have wasted my entire existence as a student in the UK altogether. After all, these years spent here will certainly be one of the most memorable ones in my life, as I am sure will be for most students too. I want to lead them in a way that will allow me to look back fondly upon them years down the road... and to be able to share my experiences with my close friends and family-animatedly and nostalgically.

Anyway, I've just returned from a good dinner at some singaporean friends' place. Didn't really get to talk to them much previously except for the occasional chit-chats when we meet on the way to school/town or back, so tonight's gathering was a warm welcome. Especially after a long day, with a late friday tutorial that began when the UK sun was just beginning its early retirement for the day, and ended when it has fully taken its leave. Winter's officially here again, and the season of long-nights-short-days is just beginning. I had so wanted to capture some final moments of the pretty fall scenery before the trees lose their leaves altogether, taking the colours with them. Alas, my camera is dysfunctional, and the weather had not been exactly kind this week for photo-shoots.

The mention of weekends brings me back to the one that had just passed, and an earlier one which I spent in London with friends, one of whom just turned 21. =) It'd been some pretty tiring and at times even preplexing time that had passed since then, but that doesn't at all negate the fun I had meanwhile. The trip down to London was enjoyable, even if I had initially felt it kind of silly for me to go all the way down with people attending the Singnight (An annual ball for UK singaporeans) when all I had wanted to do was to accompany friends, meet some others, and to catch a musical. The first two I did, but the last I had to give it a miss since the tickets then were too expensive for any of us to fulfill our matinee hopes. Still, I was glad for the chance to catch up with some pals I haven't met for a while, and even made new friends! Haha...but I accumulated so much sleep debt over the weekend that it took nearly a full week to recuperate. =p And soon after, it's the Nottingham Malaysian-Singaporean Games... and another packed weekend unfolded.

I must say that it was a really enjoyable weekend, really. Before all else, let me do a short intro on the Notts games. It's an annual Sports event for Malaysians & Singaporeans from all over the UK to gather at Notts to compete in friendly matches- we have 14 sports items this year. Each year, I volunteered in the games, so I didn't get to play. This year though, I had really wanted to play either badminton or floorball, but my commitment as sports captain in one of the segment didn't allow me the time to play either games. The training session for floorball had been fun, however, and that's enough for me for now. The same weekend, I had some friends over from London. Was really happy to have them around. Oh..and Calvin came up for Notts games too! It's so interesting to meet a S62er in a place that I've grown accustomed to being around other friends that I made here; it was just nice to be able to catch up on things with a familiar face from school.

For that sat night, I somehow ended up watching shuang1 tian1 zhi4 zhun1 series II with some Singaporeans at my friend's place. Initially the whole feeling of watching a Channel 8 show that we all grew up with in a Notts-hostel-setting felt quite surreal. But we soon settled down and began reminiscing about how we used to be so caught up with some of the now-seemingly lame plots. Heh. And how time flies by so quickly. Ended up sleeping quite late that night too, talking with one of the gals who bunked in with me for the night.

The next day the lot of us visited a windmill in Notts- Green's Mill. The picture below is taken at the site. I was really taken by the whole 'rural' feeling and felt kind of excited when we finally reached the mill... and when we were within the windmill itself, seeing the process of grains grinded and sacks of stacked flour packed. Then it was shopping in the city centre, and dinner.

So sher, the trick to that priceless weekend was not to throw away the price tag attached to the day...

But simply to be in the company of people that you find yourself being at ease with.

2006-11-12T13:54:00.000-08:00

It's always the company that counts. Time may be passing by all too quickly, but if it's passing by happily enough, it's worth every second of it.

The company this weekend was priceless. =)

2006-11-04T10:47:00.000-08:00

世界有一半是黑夜
另一半却是阳光璀璨
纵然在无垠的沙漠
总有一点点的绿洲

2006-10-23T12:49:00.000-07:00

Never judge a show by its average reviews, or you may well miss out on some gems amongst the rocks. Ok, I can't say what the 'average review' for Ally McBeal is, because I have not really noticed this show till now. In fact, I have always perceived it to be in the same genre as that of 'Friends'...but no. Not really. Comedy-wise, yar...it can get rather ridiculous at times. But deep beneath the comical facade, it is actually nourishing 'chicken soup for the soul'- as my flatmate-supplier of the show puts it.

So much of life's truths put across in a most open and frank manner. It is captivating because it spells out some very thought-provoking lessons about life- relationships, emotions, predicaments, ethics, beliefs...etc. Some of these issues and thoughts we each harbour deep within yet give little considerations to usually. By explictly articulating them, the characters in the show challenge the viewers to really think about their own attitudes towards these issues in life.

Watch it if you can. It's good entertainment, and yummy food for thoughts too.

2006-10-20T15:32:00.000-07:00

It is so much easier to dish out advices than to listen, really listen, to them.
Should learn to walk the talk...

Even though it will be easier to walk the dog instead. >.<''

2006-10-09T12:49:00.000-07:00

When people close to your heart think of you, and you of those very people too...
The problems seem to become, for a moment, less intimidating, the tunnel less endless and those mountains less steep. Whatever physical distance that existed shrank, or simply became negligible...

I do see, and thank, the stars that light up the sky tonight.

2006-10-06T09:39:00.000-07:00

On this typically bleak English-weather day
Rain poured from the open sky
Drenched the pedestrians
And brought the umbrellas and hoods up high

On a slightly more romantic sounding tone
Showers sprinkled from the heavens above
To refresh the floral and faunas
And adorn the sky with a rainbow curve.

_______________________________

The hush of early morning
before the dawn breaks through
The murmuring of the sleeping earth
covered by the morning dew

In the mist
the luminous ghost of yesterday
fades into a memory
Tranquil is my soul in sleep

as golden rays of light
move silently, through every dark, and secret place
Chiming bells, from a church near by
Sounds of song birds, in tree tops high
The rustle of leaves, moved by the wind
I listen, to nature's melody
As a cool breeze, chilled by the night
caresses my cheeks
I rejoice in the splendor
as morning comes to life.

Author: someone else.
___________________________________________

It's been raining, drizzling, sunny, warm and cold these days. But while the weather maintains its fickle-mindedness, my inner-weather forecast finally decided to pattern after that of the tropics'.

2006-10-03T01:18:00.000-07:00

Thanks, friends, for your kind words.

First step into the roller-coaster ride, made. Adrenaline pumping once more...

Here we go again....Whhhhheee....wish me luck for the journey ahead! =)

2006-09-30T13:23:00.000-07:00

I think I can feel winter approaching again. Because I'm feeling the colour of a certain corner of my room right now-blue. It used to be one of my favourite colour... and it still is, though not when it applies to my mood.

The missing-home ache became evident when I read Joel's msn nick on one of Mdm Tay's past classic comments...when I burst out laughing and tried sharing the joke with my flatmate only to discover that I'm the only one finding it funny. When reading through some friends' blogs about missing home, missing people...and I feel like tearing myself because I feel the same way too even if I don't say so. Because the realisation only hit me just then.

Just now.

2006-09-29T12:35:00.000-07:00

I was just looking through some blogs when I realised that many people have stopped blogging altogether. No more updates or hints about their lives to keep the two of us connected. I feel a little cut-off, and a little regretful that I can't spend enough time to keep in close contact with all the people in my life. And as time flies past, the gulf just widen silently.

I have discovered that it takes a lot to maintain a relationship. This applies to any kinds of bond at all. Recently, after saying goodbye to my welcome week teammates, I felt a momentary sense of surreality, of loss. Because a week together having fun, making friends, struggling against mental and physical fatigue as one entity and then cohesively bitching about it (opps =p) is just oh-so-reminiscent of my bygone camping days that the end of it made me a little sad. How often do we feel so bonded to other people whom we have known for only a short period of time? I realised that I am actually glad to re-live that state of ascetic existence for a while. I needed it, just for a bit, to remind myself of who I am, inside.

Some voids in one's life are only uncovered when they are once again refilled.

We have arranged to meet up once more this Sunday. And perhaps once more next week too.
I don't know how long this sense of continuity will last...

But while it does, I'll just cherish the moments.

P.S. The same applies to my other kakis too. For each appointment we manage to arrange and keep to, I'll hold those close to my heart. Don't stop keeping in contact! =)

2006-09-13T02:45:00.000-07:00

Soon to be leaving behind this scene for one where skylines are more levelled, life is more independent, weather's often too cold to be cool, and where my laptop and room-phone regain their inevitable statuses amongst my most intimate companions.

I've not really gotten the chance to do ALL that I had wanted to during this summer back home, but I've also done things that were never part of my agenda initially... I'm glad they found a place in it though. Will reiterate the following observation despite the fact that it's more than cliche by now- how time flies! And really, it's just somehow never enough.

So that's another summer's memories formed, tucked safely away now in a corner where only I have the key to. Thanks folks for being part of my summer this year... a rather unforgettable one because of your part in it, no less! You know who you are- the number of times we've met is really not the issue. It's the fact that we did which matter.

Another couple more days now... probably gonna be busy with all the mad frenzy that is typical of every summer's end. Will so miss all that defined this homecoming stint, but am also eagerly anticipating the new year back at Notts. Just Right Ahead Now.

2006-09-13T02:31:00.000-07:00

Sparkles- re-ignited =)

If only I have my Guy Fawkes (bonfire) night photos to upload... that will be an even more beautiful reflection of what a magical moment looks like.

But this is wholly made in Singapore.
That's even better, isn't it?

2006-09-09T23:44:00.000-07:00

I'm keeping a close inward watch on the darkened night sky right now....because I don't want to miss the moment when the power finally resumes to re-ignite the sparkles in my life once more.

Awaiting the Eureka moment now...-drums fingers-

2006-09-03T00:45:00.000-07:00

Always glad for your company.
As we promised, let no distance or time or space keep us apart.

I'll never be tired of being your listening ear.
Just as you do not tire of being the same for me.

Thanks for the nice, relaxing afternoon yesterday, my friend.

This is home, truly... ...

2006-08-09T08:11:00.000-07:00

Maybe because this is the last NDP to be performed in our beloved Kallang Stadium, tonight's parade felt extra special. Like a prolonged grand finale, it was rather different from other NDPs I've watched in the sense that the good stuff didn't just come on at the end of everything. While it is undeniably the first time I've managed to catch the NDP live, I've previously watched a preview, and participated in one parade, so the difference does not simply stem from the fact that I'm catching it live this year.

This time round, the fireworks did not just decorate the night sky as a closing bang. Sizzling, dazzling sparkles were set off during several parts of the parade, wowing the crowd with the beauty of its golden contrast against the dark night sky. The one thing that truly touched my heart tonight was the Electrifying SpiRit I felt passing through the entire stadium. When we did the Kallang wave, and conducted the 'cheering competition' between the 'Red and White' team that the stadium was split up into by the mcees... I was amazed at the energy and unified cheers that resounded around the area... I couldn't really tell how loud we were when my sector was doing the cheering, and I was amongst the sea of red and white...but when our cheers were mirrored in the opposite sector, I was surprised at the volume of that cheer- Having been so accustomed to shy s'poreans often reacting to such cries for cheers with a less-than-enthusiastic response, the loudness of the cheers tonight came as a pleasant surprise. And it helped to set my mood for the rest of the parade.

Nearing the end of NDP 06, when it came to the pledge-taking and national anthem singing segment, I was again taken aback- this time at my own reaction. I actually felt real joy and pride rising from deep within me, as I stood amongst my fellow singaporeans, doing what I've been doing ever since primary one... yet this time no longer doing it with the kind of nonchalance-born-out-of-habit as was the case before.

Every live NDP has proven to be an experience to be cherished. Each had its own share of moments to treasure.

A friend of mine remarked during one of the spectacularly-beautiful fireworks moment tonight:
"Being able to set off such fireworks is an indication of how prosperous our country is. We are so blessed!"

Indeed we are. May this stability in terms of our economics and society continue in the many years to come.

Happy birthday, Singapore.

2006-07-29T10:10:00.000-07:00

The doughnut may not be a perfect circle, but the little bits of chocolate rice and nuts and caramel toppings gleaned from here and there made it yummy anyway. So much so that the imperfect shape of the doughnut can be overlooked, and the snack is really as nice as it can get.

Little graces along the way to be treasured. Sometimes you don't need mega miracles to be happy.

2006-07-26T08:18:00.000-07:00

Still running high on the cheery mood from the pre-21st class gathering from a while ago.
Thanks EvErYbOdY for making it tonight.
It's great to have u guys around once more, would like to formally extend my thanks for the company, the gifts, the surprise cake, =) the laughters =D, the teasing (yes, even the teasing) and the soy sauce toast (ewww...just this ONCE k! To thank u for coming in the end..heh).

Hope tonight isn't the last class outing for the summer.

Cheers, s62ers!

2006-07-12T08:30:00.000-07:00

Not forgotten, I see.

The sands of time kicked up again
The dust trail materialised
I see once more the footprints in the sand
Though with only a set left behind
Trampled by so many other pairs of prints

Laughters of friends replacing the low-toned murmurs
Of intense discussion, then
Of an unknown future
That is the present
Now made clear

2006-07-02T08:17:00.000-07:00

We only live once, and some things are only fun when you do it at a certain age.

This is the age, the time, the moment. Our prime ain't over yet!

A little surprised to discover how jaded we seemed to have become as we age.
And surprised at how surprised I was.

Maybe I'm still hoping to retain that sense of optimism, however unstable it may be.

Learn to keep our hopes and chins up, yar?

2006-06-25T10:27:00.000-07:00

How time flies! Right after the post on 'just returned from italy', I'm now posting a 'just returned from HK' post. It was a real nice and memorable 5 days, despite the lack of sleep and all. Anyway, spent most of today catching up on the sleep debt accumulated all the way from Italy. Finally...Heh...

So yups people, I'm back again for the summer. 3 precious months. I'm still keeping the same hp no., albeit under a different plan with free incoming (haha..so feel free to call yar) but no free smses (oh my..how am I going to survive on that???). Just as if I'm still using my UK plan..haha...

Anyone free to meet up before my attachment do keep in contact kies? Otherwise, it'll have to be a weekend/ night outing. Looking forward to seeing ya'all again. Till then, take care one and all!

2006-06-14T05:30:00.000-07:00

Be warned: incoherent post ahead... ...

Just returned from Italy. The prior warnings of its scorching heat were no joke. And a great contrast from the rain that greeted the two 'home-comers' once we landed in Notts. To summarise the trip, it's been great on the whole- great company, super funny incidents, interesting discoveries, some unpleasant experiences that we all learn from, the 'constant hunger', the long walks, the infinitely-winding queues, the meeting of the pope; loads of unforgettable memories, engaging conversations, addictive bridge gameS-oh and seven too. Right now, it's time to get down to completing my laundry list of To-Dos before getting home in a few days' time. So much to do, so many ppl I want to meet up with, yet so little time. I truly wonder how much I can complete before we leave flat 59 for good. Alas, the flu bug isn't helping matters. Not at all. Haven't felt so terrible for quite a while. Anyway, can't wait to make my lazy-hazy daydreams of home a reality soon. Miss you guys loads. See ya all in a while!!

p.s. to all: will tell you more about the trips etc when we meet!

2006-06-02T16:53:00.000-07:00

"NINE-year-old Matt (not his real name) insists he 'hates food, really'. He licks his lips at the mention of his favourite dishes like satay, hamburger and nasi lemak, but he tries to be brave about going hungry. "
"Most of the time, he skips dinner, drinks tap water and goes to bed early to keep his hunger pangs at bay. But sometimes it is too much to bear. "

This saturday's special report is heart-wrenching. Even in the more developed countries, there exist little pockets of the really poor community. The poor kids oft grow up to become poor adults, and the vicious cycle continues. Yes, there are exceptions, but statistics show how harsh realities still prevail. In any society. Despite all the aids that are available. In spite of all the focus placed on the low-income families in some areas.

Is there ever a chance that this cycle can be broken?

Will the world ever become mere vacuum? Will time ever stop?

The same answer would apply to all these questions.

2006-06-02T07:50:00.000-07:00

It's been a busy week for me so far. Seems like I'm sleeping even later now that the exams are over...tsktsk...the irony of it all. Right now, I'm just revelling in the wonder of coincidences. Was clearing up some old contact slips from eons ago when I chanced across this slip of paper with 'Nikhil- senior student assistant' and his contact details on it. That was given to me on my first day in Nottingham, when I moved single-handedly into ancaster hall and all was new and unfamiliar. Thinking it redundant now, I tossed it into the bin. Then.... at the meeting for international week assistants today, I again met a senior assistant by the name of nikhil. Later on, when we broke up into the separate groups (there were 3), I came under his. That was when I learnt that this is his fifth year doing the duties and yes, he's that very same guy I met two years and infinite memories ago. Gosh. I'd have thought that he's graduated and gone by now...maybe he's doing a long degree like archi or med.-shrugs- will talk to him if there's a chance in sept...

During the meeting, the head of the international office asked for volunteers for the coach pick-up service. That triggered vivid memories of yellow-shirted student assistants/ volunteers I first met when emerging from the arrival gates at Heathrow with z a couple of years back. Because they needed a lot of people for the job (last year there were apparently 18 coaches driven in a day to bring some 800 international students from Heathrow.) so they would be recruiting some volunteers and also opening the job to the student assistants. I signed up eagerly, since that image of the assistants was so strongly formed in my mind that I would want to walk about a bit in their shoes too. Alas...I didn't know/ think about 2 things. 1st, I don't like coach rides much, certainly not the 4hours ride to and another 4 hrs from Heathrow. 2ndly, to take part in this service, we're required to wake up BY 4am in the morning. Yikes. But somehow, despite these, I'm still reluctant to withdraw the commitment. Why? Because for one, I've put my name down and without stronger anti-reasons on the decision made, I can't make myself go back on a word given. Moreover, I find that I really look forward to the trip past the rolling pastures and endless stretch of highway en route to heathrow. (though I slept most of it away when I first came, due to the fatigue from handling some luggage issues at the airport, one involving a short but SUPER long-waiting and boring queue that separated me from z. hmm.) Well, Glad that's history now.

During the briefing, we were warned right from the start that besides the fun, Hard Work is definitely required of all student assistants. Literally on our feet 24/7 was what he said. And we are to realise that now so that we don't complain about it after. Woah. Strong cautionary remarks from a guy who's obviously done this many times before.

I must admit though, having to come back here 1-2 weeks earlier so as to carry out the duties is something I don't particularly want, especially not since I will most prob be busy during most of this summer break to spend much quality time with my family and friends. But the pull factors are rather compelling. After all, I thought, it's my first and last chance to do something like that here, and it didn't come easy. So I shall just stick to it, and pray that things go on fine. There's no perfect situation after all, is there? Everything has its costs and benefits, and a (two-handed economist- 'on-the-one-hand-this-and-on-the-other-hand-that) ought to know that better than anyone else. Heh. (Would have been better if a certain friend could be with me though. I'd miss not having b2 around :l...but who knows, that last week might be crucial in bringing on some lovely surprises for u! Must tell me if so eh? ;p)

2006-05-29T17:49:00.000-07:00

Fear can hold you prisoner
Hope can set you free.

Just like the good after-feeling of reading a great book
Watching a great movie (that was somehow under-rated before it went on to claim its academy award, golden globe and grammy award nominations in 1995) feels good =)

2006-05-29T02:37:00.000-07:00

Teach me not to forget

The times we had

The way we felt together

The smiles, the laughter, the understanding, the struggles

Which belong to me, to us

... ...

It felt like ages
This second year back at Notts
But while people say you only feel time creeps by
If you are not enjoying the moment
I disagree
'Coz no. That's not it.
I did enjoy it, I still do
The storms taking a backseat
I only reminisce now on the rainbow
Maybe because it feels soso familiar now
That I can no longer say for sure when it all started
Thus the feeling of infinite passage of time

It felt as if we've been here forever- right from the beginning of time till the unseen future
But alas
It'll soon be time to give our hugs
And say goodbye
For now.

I knew that I'll feel nostalgic about it
Who wouldn't?
But to feel it now
When goodbye's imminent
It's different
We may still have a couple more weeks to go
But a couple more weeks isn't a lot
Really

The weight of the memories
We share, shared; I now shoulder
The many cook-outs
We've had
I will miss, sometimes, I'm sure
The numerous conversations
Lame, serious, deep, casual
Will always resound
In this flat
Flat 59-The Elms

Wonder what the next year will be like
When our household
dispersed
Begins another 9 months of residence
And living
With a changed group of comarades
in a different setting

I do look forward to it though
And who knows
Absence may truly make the heart grow fonder
And the new experiences will be another chapter on its own
Waiting to unfold
Waiting to inspire yet another of this
Random ramblings

In any case, I do realise
Nothing is permanent in this ever-changing, ever-evolving world
So I've learnt
To just cherish the moments, the relationships,
Of the present
And to live each day, every hour, minute, second...
As a gift
So that there will not be regrets
when I look back,
At the sepia-toned freeze-framed moments...

Today will soon become one of the many yesterdays
But it would not all be the same
This past year
I've been: touched, humbled, provoked, mystified, worried, included
I've: learnt, understood, discovered, contributed
And I hope I've: loved, cared, given, made a positive difference somehow
Even if it's only in small little ways ... ...

"As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together
And as our lives change
Come Whatever
We will still be
Friends Forever"

I know I will be posting this up again next year... when we graduate and with that more permanent farewells have to be made. It's true that age brings on so much more to bear, but I like the grown-up feeling these instill in me.

Everyone constitutes a crucial piece in this jigsaw puzzle

Any missing pieces would have made it incomplete

And now that it's almost done, and ready to be hung up

I now step back to admire what we've come up with for this year thus far...

Another addition to the gallery of life's experiences. Priceless.

2006-05-10T07:46:00.000-07:00

Think-tank for the day: Hope is a double-edged sword.

2006-05-06T01:17:00.000-07:00

06 May 06

Even as I type this entry now, it's already late afternoon back home.
The little island must have been buzzing with electrifying excitement today
For those who voted, I wonder how you felt
Even though my PS lecturer had been skeptical about the entire process of voting
And we've even been taught about the irrationality of going to the polls
based on marginal utilities
But I'm sure it matters, somehow
All those votes of confidence, in a sea of decisions
All hopes and future pinned on the position of the cross
on that single slip of paper

Let this be a start to a more involved and engaged and active society

2006-05-04T13:48:00.000-07:00

Just logging in to say...it's been a looong long week. And it's coming to an end.
Time's running fast, time's fading quick.

So many thoughts running through my mind at random times.

Logging off. Home soon home. =)

2006-04-28T10:38:00.000-07:00

There are so many different types of kids. But at this point in time, they mainly factor into two categories. The first brought a smile to my face- a toddler-swinging one arm of a brown teddy while his/her (only saw them from the back) mum was holding on to the other-walking unsteadily along the footpath behind his/her pram, laughing heartily and being adorably playful.

The other made me run.

Well, when a kid has this cheeky grin on her face, one framed by messy wind-blown hair, carrying two malicious-looking branches in her hands and running slightly in your direction, there's surely little else anyone in my position then would do. Especially when the world seems to contain only you and her for that split second you caught sight of her.

This is not even the first or second case of physical threat I've heard about or personally faced. Of all the beauty of this place, there lurks its hidden dangers. And it's sad to note that so many crimes are mainly committed by those that are supposed to be the pillars of tomorrow's society.

So there. Kids are different. There's currently the innocent and adorable ones, and the malevolent and please-stay-farfar-away-from-me ones.

I miss the security of home.

Anyway, talking about home, the current progress of the election's been rather gripping to follow. For the first time, I found myself excited by the political scene back home. Well, more so than before anyway. =) It feels like an awakening of political interest has finally dawned on the little island, and it's refreshing to see the progress we're making- away from apathy and indifference.

2006-04-21T12:17:00.000-07:00

I was approached by a lady at the lib this afternoon to complete a survey for her dissertation. Thought little about it initially, as I went down the long list of questions pertaining to the stress of life as an overseas student. There were the usual homesickness, adjustment, security, discrimination, independence etc questions. One particular question made me ponder briefly for a bit though- it asked whether I ever felt guilty about being overseas, away from my family and friends. Was supposed to rank it from 1-5, on how guilty I felt about it. Guilt? I wondered about the choice of words for a moment. There was this momentary twang of emotion that I can't place. I thought the question was a little odd at first. Sad? Lonely? Scared? ok..but guilty? Yet even in my puzzlement, I think I understand quite clearly what it meant too.

Then I understood why. And I suppose, yes, there is a sense of uneasiness that might well be classed under 'guilt'...Guilty that I'm missing out on the going-ons of so many people I hold dear to my heart back home. Admittedly, I have got to deal with various aspects of my own struggles right here and now, so the guilt certainly doesn't stem from the fact that I'm enjoying life while others aren't- no way- but more of me not being there when I should. When I could have help make some little difference to a couple of people's lives simply by being around. Ok.. I don't know if it'd have made any real difference really, my physical presence, but at least I can tell myself I tried my best. Now that I'm miles away 3/4 of the time, it's just not easy. Sometimes. But I know I don't regret the choice I've made. Only that some 'guilt' just has to be borne.

The burdens we carry on us grow heavier with age. But I hope that we too grow stronger with each experience to carry them through.

2006-04-11T05:27:00.000-07:00

You never know when your actions, deliberate or otherwise, would touch others' lives in a warm and special way. Those couple of messages are really kind, seemingly much kinder in their appreciation of what I have 'given' than I feel justified. But when one good deed begets another, leaving both parties feeling better about themselves and those around, even the dreary (but typical), cold, rainy weather outside becomes more romantic and nostalgic than depressing.

I won't say that I am an idealist by nature, least I don't particularly feel that way, but I think I'm learning to be more hopeful.

2006-04-08T05:22:00.000-07:00

Was skimming through this article write-up on a public figure when I recalled some parts of the key address from the recent temasek forum I attended in Cambridge. Of all that were said, some of the most insightful ones continue to be those that clarified once again my purpose for joining the public sector. Before, the decisions made seem to have merely vague, fuzzy reasons attached to them, but as I move along the path I've thus far chosen, those more compelling reasons have gradually surfaced, and slowly becoming the anchor point from where I now continue to proceed.

2006-03-30T05:12:00.000-08:00

While walking back from the sports centre after another badminton session yesterday evening, z and I got talking about home again. She said something like: "It's that time of the year again. When looking back, it feels like you've been here for soso long already...so long that you begin to forget how home looks like anymore once again."

I was just doing my own stuff, not thinking about home particularly a while ago when the conversation came back to me again. Certainly I remember quite clearly how home looks like, even without the photos on my desk to serve as constant reminders. However, it's the feel of being at home that is somewhat more difficult to capture now. Nine months or so abroad and you get accustomed to another kind of lifestyle, only to have to readjust to what you've grown up with again during the remaining three short months when you're back in the familiar, yet no-longer identical environment.

About 2-and-a-half more months to go. After more than half a year here since the last departure from Changi Airport, that feeling of so-near-yet-so-far's back again.

2006-03-24T16:52:00.000-08:00

Ok. It's nearly 2am here now, and I've just completed a psychology experiment for a friend that shouldn't be done at this hour of the night. And definitely not after a heavy-duty movie like Hotel Rwanda. Was a little disappointed that I didn't get to catch the unicef version of the movie last night, but heard that the one I just watched was on the same topic and historical background, just shown in a different light, protrayed, and thus received, from a slightly different angle.

Tears trickled, but now for a slightly different reason. It's no longer shed for a touching plot that's been written to move, but because of the conscious voice in the back of my mind that tells me repeatedly that what is shown is a real life story. That it is history in picture, and a rather recent one at that. That, while the characters may be actors in action, but the basis is reality. That after hearing and studying and being exposed to so much on the topic of discrimination, genocide, disparity, cosmetic distinctions, racial divides and so on... it's hardly ever felt so real before. Just like the cameraman in the movie dispaired: The world may be seeing real-time footage of the scenes of merciless, senseless even, genocide on their televisions back home. But what will most likely happen is, they'll just cringe at the gore, shake their heads, and get back to their dinners. Of course, this is not true of everybody, but it is callousness enough to depress. Then again, we may be watching the 'documentary-movie' now and talking about the problems and inequality in the world, about the injustice of things, about the cruelness of mankind when the attention is skewed...but we are still sitting in our room as we discuss these issues, warm and snug with our green bean soup and potato crisps... while the war rages on elsewhere.

Even the bush look-alike UN officer in the movie was crushed. Defeated by the bureaucractic system that is still colour-sensitive, as shown in the movie. Some scenes from the movie had become vivid still-frame pictures in my mind- the separation of the fair-skinned missionaries from their darker-skinned orphans and refugees, as the former is forced to get onto the bus that'll get them to safety, while the latter left to bear the hatred of their own fellowmen. There were many many other scenes worth mentioning, but this is not a dissertation, and I have no intention of boring u guys with what can only be experienced more strongly after you've watched it for yourselves.

How many 'hutus' and 'tutsis' have history witnessed? How many more continue to exist? The words at the end of the movie remind us that it is based on the real life story of a hutu, paul- the main protagonist whose strength of character, whose kindness, whose love for his family and people shone so clearly throughout the movie and for which I admire-without this claim though, it may well be easy to dismiss it as yet another storyline that's been written to move, and then forgotten. We watch, we feel...and then we move on.

One million deaths at the end of the episode. An incident as recent as 1994. Is it indeed the end of the episode though? And how has it affected the rest of the world?

Only time can tell.

It's a great movie that intertwines true incidents, history, love, heroism and a little humour and suspense. The contrast that some scenes make with each other- like the happily dancing and cheering scenes of the kids by the hotel's poolside, and the momentary breakdown of paul after he'd witnessed the bodies that lined the road his vehicle was trudging through- and several others, are so starkly contrasting that you cannot help but feel the pain. For you know what's to come, but the blissful kids do not.

It's good to watch movies like these sometimes. Makes you see that there's so much more going on in the world out there.

2006-03-24T11:35:00.000-08:00

It was rather impromptu. One casual remark about a possible badminton session this morning and I'm off from the flat carrying my badminton racquet to school. It's been hanging on my wall, serving as a sporty deco instead of serving the shuttle cock for way too long. And so a phone call, an sms and a morning's worth of lessons later, I'm back on the familiar court. I actually do miss doing sports quite a bit, too bad the sports membership + entrance fee here is so ex, or I would have gone more often. Would really love to try out the gym too, it looks really neat from what the glass window panes reveal from the outside, but that is even more costly. Arrgh. Wellwell...I'll rekindle my loveofsports back home in a couple more months' time I guess.

Was a little worried initially that my 'skills' at badminton (self-taught really, from the few sessions I manage to play whenever the opportunities arise, which isn't often) would have turned rusty from the lack of use by now. It's been some...one year(?) since I last thrashed the shuttle cock around on the court, and it feels good to be doing it again. Haha..and the feeling of perspiration gathering on your body after an intense workout session is.just.great! Especially since I don't get to experience this feeling much, what with being in this cold country, except when thai green curry's served for dinner.=p

It wasn't too bad...of course I'm still far from being considered a good player yet, but it has been an improvement since I first stepped onto the court tentatively and full of doubts on that first real attempt a couple of years ago in Tampines. Yes z, our first badminton session was at Tampines...and indeed, how familiar every badminton court look, with their brick walls and polished floors. But it feels different each time, doesn't it?

2006-03-21T13:09:00.000-08:00

Some illuminating question-thoughts from a friend's blog (Hope u dun mind, sher!! =) )

"Why do you trust some people so much?
what did they do to earn that trust--
what if one day that person breached it... ...
would you be able to trust him again?
Is trust repair ever possible?"

I wonder what your answer would be.

2006-03-15T16:05:00.000-08:00

爱微笑的眼睛
带着真挚旅行
哪里有感动就停在哪里
只要真心的相遇
是什么样的结局都美丽

2006-03-14T12:51:00.000-08:00

Sometimes a song speaks better than words do
The stories shrouded in its lyrical waxings
Open to interpretations, excused from explanations
Sung by a stranger
Echoed by the heart

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

Let it go

2006-03-04T13:40:00.000-08:00

I tink we've been here before
I recognise this place
I've seen the marks of a confusion
wipe out a single sign of grace
And i dont want to play anymore
Now when the stakes are so high
So before we circled round once more
I'm gonna lay down
lay down my
pride

Let it go
Let it be
Dont waste all your emotion on this
tit-for-tat machine
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go

I turn on the TV
and it screams out at me
Nothing seems to have changed
since the start of adam and eve
So we're waiting for the sky to fall
and we're buying brand new toys
But before we circle round once more
Can we lay down
Just lay down this pride

Let it go
Let it be
Dont waste all your emotion on this
tit-for-tat machine
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go

Don't go wasting your emotions
No one wins if we keep score
Let it go
Let it go
Let it go

2006-03-01T13:11:00.000-08:00

Learning is about living
We Live to learn, and learn to live.

On a separate note:

Muslim writer Ziauddin Sardar mentions: "Freedom of expression is not about doing whatever we want to do because we can do it," ...
"It is about creating an open marketplace for ideas and debate where all, including the marginalised, can take part as equals."

Many people have abused the term 'freedom of expression, speech, etc"- surely such freedom require some kind of responsibility attached to them as well.

The song that's currently playing in my mind now...

2006-02-25T16:40:00.000-08:00

还记得昨天
那个夏天
微风吹过的一瞬间
似乎吹翻一切
只剩寂寞肯沉淀

如今风依旧在追
秋天的雨跟随
心中的热却不退
彷佛继续闭著双眼
熟悉的脸
又会浮现在眼前

蓝色的思念
突然演变成了
阳光的夏天
空气中的温暖不会很遥远
冬天也彷佛不再留恋

绿色的思念
挥手对我说一声’四季不变’
不过一季的时间
又再回到从前
那个被风吹过的夏天

2006-02-24T13:39:00.000-08:00

Staring at this picture made me wonder for a moment: What is the person now facing this view that I've been looking at each sunset-evening last year like? And what does he/she see? Will he/she be bothered enough to whip out his/her digicam, turn the lens this way and that to catch the light just at the right place, then freeze this particular moment into eternity too?

Pardon the random musings. Just caught up for a bit in my own world of quiet reflection.

2006-02-23T15:11:00.000-08:00

It's all part and parcel of growing up
This learning of new things everyday
That makes you see more of yourself
Through others

Your deeds, their responses
Their worries, your support
Your dreams, their hopes
Their words, your resolutions

2006-02-15T02:39:00.000-08:00

Was just reflecting on the hcn'06 experience when these thoughts occurred to me:

All those faces, familiar and foreign,
who shared similar history
gathered there for the night
Dressed in their/our elegant and gallant attires
Reliving a second prom away from home
Away from the time when we were still officially 'teens'

Were they/we there in our common mission of seeking for that something
That'll link us back with the past
The period where our lives revolved around nothing but Studies, CCAs and Friends
Busy lives
Packed full of activities
Stressful, eventful, still quite innocent and pure

Did we rediscover this certain something that night then?
As we meet each other again
As the familiar chinese 'school' songs and mass dances brought us onto the dancefloor as one
The past, the present...

So now, as we move on into our future,
May we always hold in our hearts this special place
For each other
For cherished memories
For a college that no longer calls itself by the name of yore
But for which it'll always be fondly remembered as

Because in spite of all that were transitory
Our memories shall continue to bear witness to what has been

Once a HCian, always a HCian
HwaChoo- thinking of you~

2006-02-04T12:32:00.000-08:00

Yummy jap dinner tonight.
Here's the result of our joint efforts.

Flat 59. It's a home away from home.

2006-02-04T01:33:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to Everyone! Ren ri kuai le~
____________________________________________________
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."
- Erica Jong

Really??

But in any case...
My mind's made up. No more turning back.
There's no perfect resolution to most situations,
but I'll do my best not to regret.

Just treasure everything that was, is and will be. Some things can never be forgotten.

2006-02-01T09:58:00.000-08:00

Standing at the crossroads of multiple issues
I'm back in my decision-making dilemmas again.

Current paradox of life: Which is better? To have more options open to you, or none so that you are spared the pain of having to make trade-offs constantly and then finding that you still can't make up your mind?

Hmmmmmm.

2006-01-29T16:25:00.000-08:00

"If we all go for the blonde and block each other, not a single one of us is going to get her. So then we go for her friends, but they will all give us the cold shoulder because no one likes to be second choice. But what if none of us goes for the blonde? We won't get in each other's way and we won't insult the other girls. It's the only way to win. It's the only way we all get laid. "

So said Nash. That was the very first introduction I had to the show. And it was part of our tutorial qs for games theory.

Tonight, I watched the full version of the movie with z and found myself inspired somewhat by it. Other memorable quotes from A Beautiful Mind:

Nash: Perhaps it is good to have a beautiful mind, but an even greater gift is to discover a beautiful heart.

Charles: There's no such thing as "for sure". That's the only sure thing I do know
(Once again, here's alluding to the saying that the only Constant in this world is Change- We lead a dynamic, fast-paced life... but I still believe we should not miss out on the rainbows on the way...)

Alicia: How big is the universe?
Nash: Infinite.
Alicia: How do you know?
Nash: I know because all the data indicates it's infinite.
Alicia: But it hasn't been proven yet.
Nash: No.
Alicia: You haven't seen it.
Nash: No.
Alicia: How do you know for sure?
Nash: I don't, I just believe it.
Alicia: It's the same with love I guess.

And..like all epic love stories, this one also had an unforgettable ending touch to it...

At the Nobel prize-giving ceremony:
Nash: I've made the most important discovery of my life. It's only in the mysterious equation of love that any logical reasons can be found. I'm only here tonight because of you. You're the only reason I am... you're all the reasons I am.

But it was not just the emotional bits in the show that gave this film the 'wow' factor. I guess it's also the fact that after having just studied the Nash Equilibrium and its associated prisoner's dilemma, strategic moves, dominant and dominated strategy and all, it's cool to see these theories put into a story with a plot, and to 'experience' the life story of the genius behind them...

But we both(z and I) wondered just how much of the movie is fiction. And how much, truth.

And so the econs and psych students shared a movie that had a theme transversing both fields of discipline. We exchanged our opinions and relevant knowledge on the topics.

It felt quite nice. And led me to reconsider my accomm. options again for the coming year. It's the company that counts- and that's what's making it so hard to decide for now.

2006-01-01T08:38:00.000-08:00

Do you hear the people sing
Lost in the valley of the night?
It is the music of a people
Who are climbing to the light.

For the wretched of the earth
There is a flame that never dies.
Even the darkest night will end
And the sun will rise.

They will live again in freedom
In the garden of the Lord.
They will walk behind the plough-share,
They will put away the sword.
The chain will be broken
And all men will have their reward.

Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?
Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?

It is the future that they bring
When tomorrow comes!
Will you join in our crusade?
Who will be strong and stand with me?
Somewhere beyond the barricade
Is there a world you long to see?

Do you hear the people sing?
Say, do you hear the distant drums?
It is the future that they bring
When tomorrow comes...
Tomorrow comes!

2005-12-23T11:16:00.000-08:00

Taken at Gaufres de Bruxelles
On another trip to remember.

Signed in to say: Merry Christmas one and all!

And a Happy New Year.

Cheers.

2005-12-10T15:48:00.000-08:00

The really good photos are on another friend's camera, so just posting whatever I have at hand for the moment.

Weather was good today. Started off pretty cold in the morning, but once we began walking, it got warmer. Bascially, we trekked for about...7-8 hours...and from David's stepometer (or something like that..a device strapped onto his body that calculates how far he walked), we covered a good 10-11 miles today. At least. And...the path he took was no straight road, nothing that allowed the flock (i.e. us) to amble along leisurely, admiring the scenery...it was lots of uphill climbs, rocky paths, slippery, muddy trudges, downhill slides..etc. It's only been slightly less than a year and I've almost forgotten that this is one tough walker who did not believe in taking an easy stroll =) But it was a good walk, with a short lunch break in the middle of our 'valley-path'...and lots of conversations. At several points along the trek I did wonder briefly to myself "just what did I get myself into?" as we moved carefully up or down the treacherous-looking routes (almost literally holding on to our dear lives) not daring to look down while ascending one of those StEeP slopes that looked almost impossible to mount from below...but we did...and then the long valley walk, treading over the seemingly never-ending trail of rocky track, moving along the streams and mini waterfalls... As I confided in Val at one point in our conversation, such memories will stay with me way after I return home at the completion of my studies, and will surely be one of those things I'll miss about this place. Along the trudge, as we passed by these Old-English-looking cottages which had their lights turned on, thus illuminating their cosy interiors, I suddenly felt this sense of festive christmasy mood dawning on me. One of my dreams about England involves spending at least one christmas the traditional way with a local family, because over here (at least in notts), the general christmas mood is surprisingly low-toned, and I think such seasons are really more of a family thing rather than a community thing, quite unlike s'pore, where the christmas cheer permeates the entire street along Orchard Road year-after-year from as early as November sometimes?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And the SR-CU concert afterwards was really enjoyable too! Was so tired out initially that I felt a slight inertia towards going out again after returning home, but eventually, was glad that I went. Couldn't imagine letting pam down! =p Sang a lot the whole of today, in the car, on the way, during the concert...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Side-note: As we grow older, our lives naturally become more complicated, riddled with dilemmas and decisions with regards to matters-of-consequence. You usually have little choice on whether you want to be involved in making those decisions or not. Such things make you feel older, and helps you to begin to appreciate more acutely some things that are simply straight-forward and pure. No maybes about them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tired out from the day's events. Time to rest.

Dance with me...

2005-12-09T09:34:00.000-08:00

When you look at me
Tell me what you see
Do you see no love at all?
Or do you see in me
What you always see
In every girl that you fall for

I will show you how love is meant to be
Just watch and learn and listen to me

[CHORUS]
Will you ever see the day
Heartache leads astray
Good love will always come from me
Will you ever learn to love
Without a little doubt

Good love will always come from me
When you look away
Is it mean to say
That she haunts you night and day
And does it hurt your heart
When I say let's start
To heal the part that's been torn

Don't you see that
I'm really worth a try
And I say to you
I know just what to do

[CHORUS]

Don't you see that I
I'm really worth a try
And I say to you
I know just what to do

[CHORUS X2 (to fade)]

It was this song, which I heard twice over the radio last night, and some other soothing classical ballads about dance that suddenly made me nostalgic about the dance classes that had just concluded about a week ago. The images conjured up were so vivid and somewhat beautiful that I went over immediately and asked z to consider joining me again for a second season of dance. (If the spaces are not all filled up yet, that is. ) From Absolute beginners to Beginners we'll proceed.. Even if we aren't talented dancers, as our trials have proven (=p) but it was pretty fun overall... so much so that I deem it worth all that inconveniences we have to put up with to attend each lesson- the odd timings, the cold weather...etc...

Btw, that song above was what we danced to for the waltz segment. Not exactly my fav dance item in terms of the techniques and routines, but it was one of the more 'magical' ones... It's kind of regretful that as we were dancing to that tune during practice sessions, we couldn't really enjoy the fun from the graceful move-in-time-to-the-music feelings, as we were mostly too focused on the what-step-comes-next part of it..but thinking back yesterday, and seeing once again in my mind's eye the dances by the other couples (who have picked it up already) reminded me of how enjoyable it all was...

Trust me...the lyrics might seem a bit rubbishy (I personally prefer the older songs' lyrics..more meaningful and soulful...), but the tune is really really nice...

And..moving on...it's Peak district tomorrow! There's so much I have to do now, but I've decided that it would be a real waste if we were to all simply graduate and return home eventually with the regrets of not making fuller use of the opportunities of being here....so I'm still going to go on the trekking trip and SR's x'mas concert tml... Sunday shall be The Working Day... haha...hopefully I'll still have the energy to do something after a full day of traversing the mountainous landscape...ok...maybe the partial-mountainous area...it's just this really pretty countryside region, every trekker's haven...=) A bit out of the way though, so it's always a good opportunity to join David when he organises these trips through a car-pooling system. An amazing guy who is fitter than any of us youngsters despite his age! I could still remember the ease with which he brisk-walked along some of those really steep slopes the last time...and he was real sweet to his dear wife too, holding her hand when she's tired out from the long walk... ah..the sweet sweet couple...Think we had a picture of them walking along hand-in-hand somewhere =)

Well...in any case, hope the weather's kind tml!

2005-12-08T10:27:00.000-08:00

A tinny-little breather so it's update time. Realised that one of the most-asked qs around school now is : "Are you going back this Winter?" And if the answer's negative, the follow-up would be :" Then where are you travelling to?" Well, the hols' travel plans have been laid some time ago, and I'm looking fwd to Brussels with my flatmates in a while! This will be the very 1st time we're all gonna travel together, so I'm looking fwd to it q a bit..hee..and hwa chong night in London in Feb.... The advertising poster for that was sooo funny! The title was bascially 'HWACHOO'....and with the notorious cold UK weather here (esp during the winter), it's just so appropriate! Plus...this is kind of like an internal joke...so usually only the hc ppl will understand the extent of its lameness...heh.
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I've been so used to the kind of student life we lead here now that it was only yesterday, in the midst of all those stress over the impending presentation that it suddenly hit me how 'unconventional' a life we actually lead. (well, comparatively so) Back home, the usual 'timetable' of each holiday used to evolve around going to town with the khakis, moping ard at home or vegetating in front of the comp, watching TV and DVDs, etc.
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Just caught up with a couple of friends via msn earlier on. Realised how cut off I'm from some ppl ever since I got here. It's really amazing at times when I think about how varied my circle of friends and acquaintances is, especially after immersing in the international community at Notts. But I do find myself wishing too that I was able to keep in closer contact with those I've not spoken to for what seems like eons now. For those that I still do keep in contact with, I'm thankful for them...
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Right now it feels as if I've been here for ages already, and it's like a 2nd home to me. (My home will always be in Singapore ;) And to think of how apprehended I was initially... we've all come a long way now....and've still got a long way more to go... I suppose living together with friends that one can clique/ click with well enough helps to make the independent and sometimes lonely life abroad somewhat better. I found that I did not pine for last year's hall life too much, only missing some of the friends there at times, so I guess I'm quite comfortable where I am now, despite the hassle of cooking for oneself when one is really really tired and pressed for time, and yet famished too. Haha..but the joy of conjuring something that's more than edible is enough to compensate for that. Oh, and the freedom to choose what you want to eat, and when..something that is not possible in the halls...
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Pretty trivial stuff that's currently on my mind now. But just sharing anyway. There were stuff these couple of days that made me really irritated, for which I'd have gladly 'bitched' about here, but well, other nice stuff compensated for the vile experiences so I shan't do that..phew eh.. Haha...and anyway, you guys dunno those people anyway. So..yups.

2005-12-01T14:27:00.000-08:00

Jive,
......... cha-cha,
............................... tango
................................................and
...............................................................waltz.

I think I'm going to miss the weekly work-outs.
If that's that.

2005-11-20T00:50:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I feel a pang reading about the things going on in your life now and then on the computer instead of hearing them through your voice, of seeing words describe how you feel about each special moments, instead of inferring them from your tone and expression, of knowing a little about what has transpired without being part of these memories... of sensing the frustrations when they arise but not being there to assuage them, of wanting to do more but not knowing what and how...

Even though I don't utter some words, I hope you understand.

To you, the one who likes to say "...Rocks" so often,

I only wish for the best for you.

The Prayer

2005-11-16T20:14:00.000-08:00

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer
As we go our way
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your Grace
To a place where we'll be safe
La luce che tu dai

I pray we'll find your light
Nel cuore restera
And hold it in our hearts
A ricordarci che
When stars go out each night
L'eterna stella sei
Nella mia preghiera
Let this be our prayer
Quanta fede c'e
When shadows fill our day
Lead us to a place
Guide us with your grace

Give us faith so we'll be safe.
Sogniamo un mondo senza piu violenza

Un mondo di giustizia e di speranza
Ognuno dia la mano al suo vicino
Simbolo di pace e di fraternita

La forza che ci dai
We ask that life be kind
E'il desiderio che
And watch us from above
Ognuno trovi amore
We hope each soul will find
Intorno e dentro a se
Another soul to love

Let this be our prayer
Let this be our prayer
Just like every child
Just like every child

Needs to find a place,
Guide us with your grace
Give us faith so we'll be safe
E la fede che
Hai acceso in noi
Sento che ci salvera

by Josh Groban and Charlotte Church

2005-11-14T22:48:00.000-08:00

I'm really hard-pressed for time right now so I shall just sum it all up in one quick sentence.

I was shivering so much tonight that I thought I'll never feel warm again.

When a magical moment comes alive...

2005-11-13T13:54:00.000-08:00

So there IS a Platform 9`3/4...but pls don't ever think about rushing towards the wall...

2005-11-09T18:30:00.000-08:00

Stressed.
There's no other word for it.

2005-11-07T23:30:00.000-08:00

On a separate note, just commemorating Rememberance week with this poetry-quote that I have come across on two occasions already:

They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old;
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them.

Keeping a red poppy of reminder...

2005-11-07T23:24:00.000-08:00

Making a choice means walking through one door and shutting some others resolutely.
For every choice made, an opportunity cost is incurred.
This was my choice, thus my return and cost. It still is.
No regrets though.
For without the 1st choice, the 2nd wouldn't have had a chance of surfacing anyway.

2005-11-06T21:55:00.000-08:00

Noticed after tonight's post-dinner dish washing banter that some (+ve) changes are obviously made only after I had left the security of home behind. Because it is only when you are far away from your usual comfort zone, from people who will 'kindly' shelter you from the raw elements in the Big Bad World out there that you can truly begin to mature from experiences. You really have to be cruel to be kind at times I suppose. For it is only in times when you are not able to turn to a friendly face and seek (false) assurance after your ego is bruised that you learn to nurse that bruise on your own, and hopefully emerge stronger for that.

Never mind that some 'truth' hurts, and that some words seem to momentarily cut you open... once the bruises fade away and wounds heal, you'll find that that's just one way this school of hard knocks educate you. How else could a lesson make enough impact for its teachings to be picked up so quickly?

That's my share of tonight's random rambling. Thanks for listening.

2005-10-21T21:15:00.000-07:00

The news article featuring what must be one of the most talked-about news in the Malayan region currently has affected me enough to post this entry today.

Again, it took another major national happening to rock me out of the narrow box of a world I sometimes cramp myself in, and begin to think more and feel for the wider world out there.

It's heartening to see the strong faith and support the people of Malaysia and elsewhere in the region have for the PM. It's also heartwarming to read about the kind of bond this national figure share with his 'No.1 supporter and soulmate' in his private life. 40 years and numerous experiences later, the feelings they share have not diminished one bit but had gradually strengthened rather. I respect the balance he sought in his life and the resoluteness he displayed in the face of adversity as befitting a public figure of his stature.

I know that he'll be able to pull through this difficult phase in his life eventually, given the kind of character and faith he's made of. (From what the article mentioned)

For now, I have my own issues to contend with as well. For those whom I've not been able to keep in contact with for some time, if u do know of the existence of this blog and are reading it from time to time, do keep me in your thoughts!

The Big Draw-Lakeside Landscape

2005-10-15T19:06:00.000-07:00

A fully occupied, tiring but really fun and fulfilling day later, I'm back in front of my com. My very first SCA project, and I'm all ready to sign up for more, time and energy permitting, of course. In the end, only 3 volunteers turned up, so we really had our hands full. But it was certainly an unforgettable day I had, so much laughter and creativity flowing around the room! Liqin and I, together with this guy from leicester, Nehal, met the SCA rep, Lucy at the Djangoly theatre (There was supposed to be a couple more volunteers but they didn't turn up) at about 9am, and together with the person i/c, Rachel, and the workshop artist, Tracy, we set up the stations for the public and there we go!

Felt very artist-y with our old paint-splattered shirts, aprons and gloves on, and I'm glad that any apprehension about language or racial barriers were unfounded after all. The main members which came were mostly family-based, from grannies to parents..and certainly, the young kids! Of several different races and all ages. Some highlight(s) of the day:

I went around the stations at one point in time with this little girl, 22months old according to her dad, and tried to guide her along. It was quite challenging..from trying to get her puny body frame into the comparatively bigger old shirt and apron, and her little hands into the smallest (albeit still too big) pair of plastic gloves available, to keeping her occupied while her dad did the printing model for her painting, involving her in little parts like pasting the shapes on the foam etc...it all proved to be a really fun experience! At the end of their stations (after a completion of two to three paintings for the mural), I was just helping her to get out of her apron or smth when her dad kind of surprised me by saying : "Go on, Jessica, give her a kiss"...I initially went like "wha....." 'coz I just wasn't expecting that! Then I just gamely gave her my cheek to plant a small little kiss on. Haha...so cute! So unforgettable too was the farewell scene, when her dad again encouraged her to give a little wave as they left...aww...

There were a few other memorable little scenes too which would take too long to have them all written down. But just want to say, while it had been a really taxing day being on our feet, moving about, getting dirty, constantly talking to ppl and being enthusiastic about the kids' and the adults' pieces of work...it had been nonetheless fun and fulfilling. And the other ppl on the project were really good company!

So yup.. That marks the day for me. Shall move on to the next part of the weekend now. I've got quite a bit of work to do, like everybody else around really. But there's going to be a potluck at this place tonight, so that's part two of the day I suppose. Hope I dun doze off in the middle of the dinner haha.

Hee.. just a side-note: being light-hearted is kind of like an elixir on its own, for while I woke up to a drizzling day with a pretty bad sore throat, the full day of talking and moving about actually didn't worsen it like I had feared, but made it somewhat better instead.

A matter of mind over matter? Perhaps!

2005-10-14T21:15:00.000-07:00

Feeling kinda off now, trying to cheer myself up by listening to some familiar music... Still got to wake up early to go for my volunteer event at the lakeside theatre tomorrow. The project is mainly on helping this artist create a mega landscape painting, with members of the public chipping in to help bring about its creation. Quite cool, and was quite excited initially about the project...But suffering from a sore throat and a still-bleeding finger now, (the whole flat's officially fallen prey to the flu bug) I just can't seem to drum up as much enthusiasm as I had this morning before several stuff came crashing into my placid world in the space of a day. ~being melodramatic~ kk...but still, it was quite a day I must say.

On a lighter note, the first latin and ballroom dancing session went quite well yesterday, as well as what 45-short-mins of absolute-beginner-level simple cha-cha and waltz moves can go... Hope that the remainder of the sessions will be even better, esp after we all get to know each other more.

2005-10-09T22:36:00.000-07:00

The magic was weaved as the scenes progressed. But the magic soon faded after we left the familiar dark interior of the cinema behind. Sometimes it's enough to just let the mind savour the few moments of being touched. Trying to discuss what is actually unique and applicable to each individual only spoils the fun...

2005-10-07T20:08:00.000-07:00

Decided to revert to a simple and clean, clear layout. Enough of complicated antics... Let the words and pictures speak for themselves.

孤单的夜里我不孤单

2005-10-07T19:30:00.000-07:00

你让我发现天的蓝
蓝的让人好心安
生命的颜色于是开始不平凡

你让我看见海的宽
宽的够容下梦想
生命的样子变得好简单
孤单的夜里我不孤单

爱过的人显得坚强
哭著或笑著入睡都一样
最美丽的脸庞是明早的太阳
孤单的夜里我不孤单
爱过就没有遗憾
笑著或哭著醒来都无妨
有个人住在我的心上
久久长长

我身上有你给的翅膀
在云间水上自由飞翔
灵魂像天一样蓝
像海一样宽不怕孤单

2005-10-04T18:10:00.000-07:00

School life's begun proper. It's nice to be back in the swing of things, to be amongst the company of friends and acquaintances, and learning to speak proper English AND Mandarin again. Heh. Being in the UK means brushing up on my english-speaking, being in notts, & in particular, being amongst my faculty's largest group of Asian, means brushing up my mandarin at the same time. How cool is that huh? =)

Enough crap haha...off to cooking now!

domesticated

2005-09-28T21:48:00.000-07:00

Seems like the preparations at home did not prepare me completely for the real thing after all. They helped, of course, at least I'm far from being clueless and helpless when it comes to the domestic affairs now, but doing it for myself from scratch is kind of different. The minor flusters today (like an unsteady beginner on the road) did not make me regret moving out. No, I do not miss the comfort that living in an inflexibly-catered hall brings. Rather, these hands-on sessions made me realise how glad I am to have chosen the more independent and flexible accommodation path after all..for I've got to learn these some day, and it might as well be now, when I have little choice else but to learn to do them well. Swim or sink I suppose. That's how we learn.

I was quite surprised when I found these thoughts running through my head as I was vacuuming the floor after dinner just now. I was still worried initially that I might end up pining for hall life if the daily chores proved too time-consuming or energy-sapping, but when I realise how much learning this bgp experience will bring, and how the flat is really more than a house, but a household with these friends around, then I know that I will settle down alright here, eventually.

I hope to be on that autopilot mode soon though, when things just become de2 xin1 yin4 shou3. How far more to attaining that I can't say for sure, but I'm working towards that! Whoever says life was easy anyway? But nobody says that we can't take on life's challenges too, and for our efforts, emerge a stronger and better person.

Life is like riding a bicycle...to keep your balance, you have to keep moving.

Hee..so Life's quite a sports coach huh..in the metaphorical sense...swimming, cycling...

Letter with a foreign stamp

2005-09-26T17:00:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

This is the 2nd time I'm writing this entry. Haiz. Still being beseiged by com problems. But seriously speaking, I should be thankful that I'm able to post this at all, since this connection is considered an unexpected surprise. So, yar, I'm thankful enough. We all thought that it would only be accessible after registration, so unstable and all aside, at least we could go online from time to time in the comforts of our rooms.

The whole trip to Notts took zj and I some 24hours. From the departure at Changi Airport to London Heathrow, including the stopover at Bangkok and transit at Zurich, and the subsequent 3-n-a-half hrs coach ride up to Broadmarsh, Notts city centre, then the final cab journey to bgp. 24 hours and counting. Since then, it's been a whirlwind of activities that's been keeping me on the go: collection of keys, moving of stuff from Willoughby (gotta thank some good kind souls for this), helping pals move their stuff from their storage spaces, buying of necessities and groceries, unpacking and setting up the room, some cleaning,going around the freshers' fayre, etc. I'm tired. But I'm also glad that I'm finally past the initial taxing stage of settling in. Awaiting registration and signing up for activities at freshers' fayre (It's like a large 'societies signing up' area, and after the short walk around the tentage booths a while ago, I have come across a number of intriguing choices I'm thinking through currently), then it'll be the official start of the academic year. May this year be a pleasantly memorable, fulfilling and fruitful one!

One thing that reminded me sharply that I'm back in the uk was the cold, sharp wind that greeted us upon our exit from the airport. Ohh..back to the days of constant moisturising and the fashion of jeans, long-sleeves, scarves, gloves (not yet, but soon..) and jackets. Quite a stark contrast to the bare-back, sleeveless, short demin skirts n shorts fashion back home in the tropical island.

It's good seeing some familiar faces again. Will miss some of those hall moments and friends I made in the 1st year.

Staying with friends in a flat this year. So far, we've all been busy 'setting up house' so I haven't actually got down to cooking proper yet. But I'm eager to begin! (Heh. Or rather, I'm kinda guilty that I haven't begun..=p)

Hmm. Going to rest for a bit now, then hopefully I can start something for dinner soon. Missing home-cooked food a little, I shall see just how much of the 'home-flavour' I can replicate with the resources I have here!

For those who are still reading this blog, do drop a msg at the tagboard k? It'll be great to hear from u guys!

Love,
Me.

22-09-05

2005-09-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

I've gotten my notts address! Seems like the reality of the imminent return to Notts is catching on...

The final day of this Summer hols. Still in the busy midst of packing. The day after tomorrow, after some 15+hours of flight, will mark the start of another year at Notts. Will be autumn there by now, when the natural theme will be of the bright, eye-catching 'auburn' colours of all degrees. Pretty. But heard from a friend that the temperature in that part of the hemisphere's already dropping fast, and the weather's kinda crazy at the moment. Well, it's expected I suppose, for it's cold most part of the time I was based at notts anyway. Nonetheless, miracles do happen, so...let's hope that it'll improve soon, eh? Many people actually love the cool weather there, and complain about the heat and humidity in s'pore, but while I'm thankful for the usual absence of mosquitoes at notts, I actually prefer the bright sunny climate of my tropical island. The one thing that's precious about notts climate is the 4 seasons experience that we cannot get back home. It's a case of opportunity cost.

So full of anticipation and nostalgia now, and the knowledge that time will soon come to pass is but a temporary comfort. Admittedly, I've not done everything I've set out to do during this break, but looking back, I realise that I've also done a lot more that were not initially in my plans. It may have been a mere three months back here (ok..I know to some of u, three months is far from mere, but remember the dilemma of time passing by quickly when u are not counting down?) , yet so much have transpired during this period of time that I feel as if I'm all ready to be back for good. Or that I've been back for a longlong time already. Time has deviated from its usual oxford definition during this Summer period, being counted and counts in terms of experiences instead of minutes and seconds. Recalling how I had been a little worried initially about readjusting back to the local climate and changed environment, it now proves to be a cause for worry indeed..no longer is it worrying about whether I can re-assimilate back into my homeland and circle of friends though, but rather now that I've become so comfortable with the local environment again, with being back in the security of all things familiar (whether good or otherwise), in the embrace of those I hold close to my heart, I think it's going to be inevitably hard at the start to uproot myself once again and return to that distant land, however beautiful, fun and independently-free that other place may be. It's a case of wanting to remain in this country, but also eagerly anticipating the new year of learning, friendships, challenges, travels and domestic experiences at notts ahead. One's so divided in one's feelings that (s)he becomes ultimately ambivalent. Maybe that's how I came to be writing this piece of ramblings right now.

Just as time here had passed in the blink of an eye, the subsequent nine months or so will also fly by eventually. This I know. What matters most is thus the PreSent, the CurrenT, the NOW. I'm grateful for all who've played a part in making this Summer break such a sweetly memorable one. Thanks.

May the things that matter always succeed in withstanding the test of distance and time, passing it with all flying colours of the rainbow! Au Revoir!

2005-09-16T17:31:00.000-07:00

"When willl you be home?" She asks, as we watch the planes take off.
看着机场外飞机升降，母亲问我：“什么时候回来？“

We both know we have no clear answer to where my dreams may lead.
我无言以对，我和母亲都知道，我是承诺不了哪天会回来的。为了梦想，我会漂流远方。

She's watched me as i crawled and stumbled, As a child, she was my world.
当我嗷嗷待哺，母亲就一直照顾着我，当我还是小孩的时候，母亲就是我的世界。

And now to let me go , i know she bleeds, and yet she says to me
现在为了追寻梦想，母亲不得不放我远飞，我清楚的知道她的心在滴血，但她仍温柔的鼓励我说：

"You can fly so high, keep your gaze upon the sky.
我相信凭你的能力可以敖翔天际，你就放心展翅高飞吧！

I will be praying every step along the way. Even though it breaks my heart to know we'll be so far apart.
虽然一想到我们天各一方我就会黯然神伤，但我仍然会一直为你祈祷祝福。

I love you too much to make you stay, Baby fly away."
宝贝，我太爱你，所以不能自私的挽留你，你放心的飞吧。

Some love never changes. May I always remember that.

2005-09-13T00:13:00.000-07:00

I must admit-After having NoT caught a good movie for quite some time, I am currently rather tempted to splurge on one. Having read up on a number of raving reviews about the new kid on the (theatre) block, "Be With Me" comes across to me as a pretty worthy visual and sensual indulgence. Could still remember the setting of the last local movie I watched with a friend, when collective laughters and sobs filled the entire theatre (each at appropriate moments in the movie)...Guess it's time to support the local film industry again~waves national flag animatedly~ >=p

"...And many parts of the film had no music and virtually no spoken dialogue. Yet, the cinema was absolutely quiet – no popcorn munching, no sms beeps, no sniffles, no tissue paper rustling, no talking, no snoring – just absolute silence. This is as rare as .. say, finding cheese in char kway teow. .."

wow.

Only issue now is perhaps to find someone equally willing to part with the increasingly exorbitant cinema ticket price-money, and the same rare soul(s) with the time (scarcest commodity for me now! Any up for sale? heh.) and par interest(s) in the above-mentioned movie. 'Cuz gud muvees r fer sharin'...aren't they?

2005-09-11T01:44:00.000-07:00

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world
Everybody wants a piece of me
And I just don't know where to run
I've got work piled up to my head
All I want to do is jump into bed
And wash away my troubles with lemonade
Play hide and seek with the boy next door
Take a trip to Singapore
And imagine how i'll make the world a better place

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognize
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na...

If I were a little girl
Trying to clean up the whole wide world
I'd kick the bad boys back to school
Teach them fighting's just not cool
I'd give every kid a teddy bear
Turn starving people into millionaires
Break glass ceilings with dynamite
Sprinkle a little sugar and spice
Turn the bullies that terrorize
Into pink poodles that bark but don't bite

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognize
That I'm feeling so small
All I need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space
I'm gonna be a Superhero

Na-na-na-na...

Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me
Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me from myself

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world

2005-09-05T00:15:00.000-07:00

Some random thots...

-Is it ever possible to live the life of a recluse? Our lives are just so intertwined with others' around us that I sometimes wonder who is shaping whose life.

-It is true that with age, our perspectives and attitudes change. And that indirectly alter our relationships with ppl we come into contact with.
hmm..or perhaps age has got nothing to do with it..it's our experiences that cause these changes.

-Why does time always flies when it should be standing still, yet crawls when it should speed?

-side-note: Anyway, glad that Ron's 'lonely' bdae wasn't that lonely after all. =)

2005-09-02T01:10:00.000-07:00

Hellohello..testing one, two,three..one,two..one,two..Hiiii...
...speaker will be getting on the long-haul flight once again on the 23rd sept, should be lugging her barang-barangs to the airport by about 7pm that evening. Roger.

2005-08-31T09:39:00.000-07:00

Hey yu..thanks for the info..here's ur long-awaited pics..=)

2005-08-31T00:32:00.000-07:00

Been running on the treadmill of time...panting as I run...coz I'm attempting to run in the opposite direction! Barely three weeks left, and I'll be on the road again. In my hands is this entire ball of tangled-up feelings thatI have no desire to slowly unravel now. There's still some things I need to accomplish before I pack up my bags and pick up those baggages and set off again...some changes and modifications I've promised myself to make but admittedly still in the process of my attempts...And besides these, there're also several other committments I've got to fulfill in the meantime...arrgh...I'm just not ready to get on that flight, yet. Stop, world, stop. Give me a little more time, please.

tick tock..tick tock...

2005-08-29T00:39:00.000-07:00

I know I know...haven't been updating in here for quite some time already. There's been quite a lot of things going on in the gap between the posts, and much as I would like to pen down the events, the thoughts, it's just been too much for me to write them down fully, so I procrastinate...And the weeks just whizzed past. Could still vividly remember how I felt when I first started off on my attachment stint, when I was looking at my calendar and counting the days...to think that all that is now passé, and I'm moving on to another phase of this journey again. Additional footprints imprinted on the sand, another puzzle piece fallen in place in the jigsaw...I don't like farewells much, but as the Chinese saying goes "tian xia wu bu san zhi yan xi", it's inevitable, so I just had to make sure that I make the most of every single moment of the last day at the office, splitting my time between finishing up my work, taking pics, talking to and having lunch with my colleagues, and even ended up staying on in the office till way after office hours that day. Haha..guess the term "ri jiu shen qing" aptly applies here. Hmm..but come to think of it, nostalgia always comes on full force after each significant event in my life runs full circle..that's when your senses become strangely sharpened, and each recollection that comes to mind will be felt three-fold or more...
---------------------------------------------------------------------
our paths they did cross, though i cannot say just why.
we met, we laughed, we held on fast, and then we said goodbye.
and who'll hear the echoes of stories never told ?
let them ring out loud till they unfold.

2005-08-28T10:26:00.000-07:00

Q: What's to be missed about the sea?
A: Well, what's not to be?

No Absolute

2005-07-24T17:39:00.000-07:00

No Absolute
Life served up another slice of experience. Took a big bite of it.
Mmmm...bittersweet aftertaste now lingering in my mouth.

2005-07-21T00:56:00.000-07:00

It's a small world we live in, and the interlinked relationships we all share still do not cease to amaze me. It's so complex, yet really simple at the same time.
We're all bonded together by friendships and kinships. I-know-U-know-him...and two awkwardly polite strangers become chummy buddies.

It's a totally new experience, the current 'project' of my life. Pretty good training I'd say, even if it felt initially as if I was thrown immediately into the deep end of the pool on the first swimming lesson.

We soon learn that we soon learn anyway. Some lessons, though, taking longer to sink in than the others. It's been fun interacting with all the strangers, the really long hours on our feet and the great travelling distance (for me) notwithstanding.

Yet more colours splashed onto the plain white cloth, more pages of the journal filled, more pieces of the gigantic jigsaw puzzle fallen in place, more footsteps printed on the soft sand...but we are still far from revealing the picture, from launching the biography,from hanging up the frame, from summarising the pairs of footprints in the sand...

Approaching the Big Two-O, one can't help but stop and reflect on the distant past and ponder about the distant future... It's easy to envy the kids sometimes...their carefree innocence keeping them easily contented and happy. =)

2005-07-13T01:41:00.000-07:00

Even the sands of the desert do not settle forever
The desert wind still stir them up from time to time
Swirling them across oasis
and cactuses
New sights, new experiences
Where, for the moment when they were travelling on the dizziness
that is the mini tornado churned up by an inflamed desert wind
They were free, and seemingly clear of their own unique identities
But once the wind loses its stream
Returning these sands back amongst others
They quickly lose their individual identities again to the identical masses
Camouflaged
They rest silently amongst their microscopic clones once again
Layer of sand upon more sand
Yet this time, having seen,tasted, once how borderless life could be
they are now constantly listening out for the call of the wind
To take them on the next self-discovery adventure.
They. Had. Become. Restless.
The question remains though...
Had the adventure made these sands happier?
The endless search sometimes gets a little tiring too.

It's a leap of faith, in some ways.
Keeping your words of kindly advice in mind
Let's see what tomorrow holds.
I'm ever ready to release the anchor
I believe I grasp in my hand
And steer the ship towards the next harbour-of-call.
(no, it's not a shackle. Simply because I make the decision of release and hold.
And the anchor is not inhibiting,
It's stabilising.)
~Keeps fingers crossed~

The signboard appears to be hidden for now.
But maybe, just maybe, I've been holding onto the map all these while.

Even as I was searching fervently for that roadsign, and at the same time, keeping my eyes focused too closely on the signal of that vehicle just ahead.
Even though we may well be heading for different destinations.

Whatever the path taken, the growth at the end of each section of the journey should be rewarding in itself.

2005-07-10T00:35:00.000-07:00

Realised upon reading a friend-cum-travel-mate's blog that I might have sounded more detached than truth mirrors in the last post on the London attack. The fact is that the attack, in retrospect, had been a little TOO close for comfort. Indeed, had the G-8 summit been held exactly a month earlier, when the 4 of us were still in the midst of our European adventure getting on and off the subways along King's Cross and Russell Sq and in the vicinity, things might have been so very different. Perhaps the mind, in response to a need for self-protection from the gravity of the reality, had detached itself from the situation for a moment; so much so that the earlier thoughts upon hearing the news of the carnage and seeing the grisly images were all focused on the more practical and impersonal things, and less on the what ifs that could have been life-changing, to say the very least...

The impact of the attack is sinking in more strongly now. And I can't even begin to imagine the degree of suffering the survivors and the families of the casualties and missing must be going through now.

My heart goes out to them.

Just a thought

2005-07-08T23:51:00.000-07:00

It's hard to imagine how quickly the national tragedy came in the trail of its initial euphoria. Barely a day after the not-least surprising clinching of the right to host the 2012 Olympics games, the British capital had become the unexpected victim of yet another gruesome bombing attack. Inevitably brought to mind the bombing incident in Madrid about a year ago...

Possible explanations for the attack went through my mind, but I was more worried about friends and some relatives who reside there. Alas Msn on this side was down so contact with those overseas was virtually impossible, but managing to hear from some people was a comfort. And good thing many of my friends who study in London are now back here, cushioned from the current state of danger and chaos.

Had the attack occurred two years earlier or so, my guess is it might have had less of a personal affect on me. But the very fact that now it's so close to 'home' made me aware of the fact that in these troubled times no place is a true safe haven. Speculation of the causes of the attacks aside, the incident had made me seen even more clearly the kind of potential threat the world is now facing, and that we cannot afford to go easy on our defence efforts at all. This time, the attacks had occurred in London during the G-8 summit (in edin)-at a time and in a place symbolically chosen to hurt as many innocent civilians as possible, during a gathering of some of the most influential leaders in the world. In retrospect, the threat could have been equally real towards spore this time round, what with the significant number of important personnels gathered at the Raffles City Convention Centre for the IOC voting purposes. The heightened security there was not exaggerated after all, it seems.

Each incident should serve as a lasting wake-up call for greater vigilance. And we have to recognise that it is not just the duty of the Home Affairs and Defence Ministries, and of the government when it comes to the defence of a nation. It is down to the collective efforts of each and everyone of us, the civilians of the country, to ensure that the future of our nation is safeguarded.

2005-07-08T23:50:00.001-07:00

满天星

歌手:欧得洋专辑:看见六色彩虹

在茫茫人海里

也许我在某天
遇过你
各自想心事

然后又错过擦肩离去

从某首这个城市最熟悉的旋律
你和我都曾渴望被谁鼓励
跌倒以后还有向前的动力

我抬头望着满天星

平凡的心里想着渺小的回忆

你是否跟我一样
努力把梦擦亮
学习有天像太阳坚强

我们都好象满天星

在黑暗夜空位居指引未相信

就算一滴泪光
就能照亮方向
有不怕痛的胸膛

就有天堂

从某首这个城市最熟悉的旋律
你和我都曾渴望被谁鼓励
跌倒以后还有向前的动力

我抬头望着满天星

平凡的心里想着渺小的回忆

你是否跟我一样
努力把梦擦亮
学习有天像太阳坚强

我们都好象满天星

在黑暗夜空位居指引未相信

就算一滴泪光
就能照亮方向
有不怕痛的胸膛

就有天堂

我抬头望着满天星

平凡的心里想着渺小的回忆

你是否跟我一样
努力把梦擦亮
学习有天像太阳坚强

我们都好象满天星

在黑暗夜空位居指引未相信

就算一滴泪光
就能照亮方向
有不怕痛的胸膛

就有天堂

会天晴会下雨

希望我在那天遇见你
嘴角有微笑
证明我们都活的很好

2005-07-08T23:50:00.000-07:00

Been getting back into the 'habit' of watching TV again. One of the drama serial that I've been following is <有福>. An NKF serial on the struggles of cancer patients. Simple story but heartwarming (and heart-wrenching?) all the same. And meaningful too, given its source of inspiration. And the songs from ocean's new album was catchy too. Hee...either I've been 'deprived' of a tv for too long previously, or this show is just nice in its simple, heartlanderly-comforting way, I give it the thumbs-up. =)

明天的幸福

歌手:欧得洋专辑:看见六色彩虹

也许我没拿到满分
还不算是完美的人

所以我比谁都认真
努力赶上你的标准

爱你就是我的责任
我跟昨天的我竞争

要用笑容取代泪痕
看你难过我会心疼

故事还没有结束
让我再把你搂住
别忘了预约明天的幸福

走过的每个脚步
都值得欢欣鼓舞
能为你吃苦不觉得苦

手心有你的温度
冷酷就可以挡住
我为你约好明天的幸福

在人海起起伏伏
爱是唯一的地图
要陪你看见每个日出

也许我没拿到满分
爱不算是完美的人

所以我比谁都认真
努力赶上你的标准

爱你就是我的责任
我跟昨天的我竞争

要用笑容取代泪痕
看你难过我会心疼

故事还没有结束
让我再把你搂住
别忘了预约明天的幸福

走过的每个脚步
都值得欢欣鼓舞
能为你吃苦不觉得苦

手心有你的温度
冷酷就可以挡住
我为你约好明天的幸福

在人海起起伏伏
爱是唯一的地图
要陪你看见每个日出

我不要故事结束
就让我再把你搂住
别忘了预约明天的幸福

走过的每个脚步
都值得欢欣鼓舞
能为你吃苦不觉得苦

手心有你的温度
冷酷就可以挡住
我为你约好明天的幸福

在人海起起伏伏
爱是唯一的地图
要陪你看见每个日出

2005-07-06T19:31:00.000-07:00

Been trying to do some revamping to my blog, and somehow 'managed' to lose the 'comments' portion in the process..so got myself a tagboard (refer kekannan) finally..ppl, pls tag in the future! =) (btw, think there was one comment attached to the last post but I din get to reply to...will the author post it again if it's sth impt? Tnx!)

Was surfing furiously for a blog cover that I would like to change to, and when I finally finally came across the series of Jimmy liao's theme-covers I knew instantly we have a winner! =D Almost forgotten how much I enjoyed his works last time...Ou de yang and him are two of my fav artists, albeit in different fields..one in the drawing and the other in the musical genre..but both are similarly liked for the kind of feeling their works evoke. Anime-ish in a way.

2005-06-29T01:15:00.000-07:00

Es fühlt gut, Leute wieder zusammentreffend. Hatten vor, Abwesenheit läßt das Herz vernarrter wachsen, weil sie Sie bewußter bildet, wie kostbar was Sie waren.

Mögen wir immer erlernen, unseren Segen zu zählen, und können dieser Segen ewig sein.

Jede Spitze des Gedächtnisses ist ein entscheidendes Puzzlestück Ihres Lebens. Um eine komplette Abbildung zu bilden, zählt jedes kleine Stück. Jedes einzelne von ihnen.

2005-06-23T01:17:00.000-07:00

Been experiencing quite a number of feelings since my homecoming. Too varied to sort them out one by one now. But right now, I have a sudden urge to get down to do a proper write-up on the recent Germany-London-Nottingham-Scotland trip...but there's just so so so much to be said that it becomes kind of difficult to begin. All the thoughts and memories just came flooding back and like trying to capture water using a net or a sieve, as some words get written down, some had already escaped...

~Simple words made the moon shine brighter. Glad that language barriers and caution did not prevent that serendipity from occurring. The entry into die bucher(the bookshop) and the acceptance of the invitation to "Komm besuchen" (come visit) became an unforgettable highlight of the entire Berlin trip, as I'm sure all of us present would agree.~

Let's see if I can replace the net/sieve with a waterproof poncho anytime soon.

2005-06-21T14:01:00.000-07:00

"Men dream more about coming home than about leaving," the boy said. He was already accustomed to (the) desert's silence.

"If what one finds is made of pure matter, it will never spoil. And one can always come back. If what you had found was only a moment of light, like the explosion of a star, you would find nothing on your return."

*************************************************************************************
Been looking out for some community work to get involved in even before coming home, and by chance, I sighted upon the advert for the SHINE project. Shall see what I can do about it.

Hope that this Summer vacation would be a fulfilling one. Both in the things I do and the company I do it with.

Back in the familiar embrace of home, family and friends, I wonder how much has changed. But it feels good to be back. To be able to put aside a little of that rather heavy burden of responsibility that comes with being fully independent in a foreign land and just enjoy the security and comfort of home for a while.

2005-06-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

Hi All,

I'm Back!!! The weather's really more stuffy back home, but it feels really, really wonderful to be back. Both ZJ and I were sooo excited and nervous when the plane was about to touch down...

Anyway, for those still reading this blog, just for ur infos, i'm still using the same hp no. as the one I used to use. Anyone free to meet??? =)

Haha..sweating now...but I dun mind one bit.

See u guys soon!

2005-05-30T12:41:00.000-07:00

如果有一天

現在也只能欣賞　唯一的合照一張
淡忘了的是那個街角
想念的是當時的微笑

＊生活中交錯失望　越想念就越孤單
若再被寂寞迎頭趕上
多感傷原來只是正常

＃你是不是也在品嚐
一個人的咖啡和天光
是不是也忽然察覺到
多出時間看天色的變換

＋如果有一天　我們再見面
時間會不會倒退一點
也許我們都忽略
互相傷害之外的感覺

％如果哪一天　我們都發現
好聚好散不過是種遮掩
如果我們沒發現
就給彼此多一點時間

重唱　＊,＃,＋,％,＋,％

2005-05-30T12:05:00.000-07:00

純真

長長的路上　我想我們是朋友
如果有期待我想最好是不說
你總是微笑的　你總是不開口
世界被你掌握

月亮繞地球　地球繞著太陽走
我以為世界是座寧靜的宇宙
今晚的天空有一顆流星劃過
在預言著什麼

＊在無聲之中你拉起了我的手
我怎麼感覺整個黑夜在震動
耳朵裡我聽到了心跳的節奏
星星在閃爍　你〔會〕怎麼說

你心中一定有座濃霧的湖泊
任憑月光再皎潔照也照不透
你眼中閃爍湖面無邊的溫柔
那波光在誘惑

重唱　＊,＊

你已經有他就不應該再有我
世界的純真此刻為你有迷惑
我想我應該輕輕放開你的手
我卻沒有力氣這麼做